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Bailamos?

by Pablo Jimenez

 

 

 

How is it that love

el amor mas dulce

el amor mas amargo

el amor mas pegajoso,

can take us there? Bring us together?

make life, fair.

 

To the place where we want to be

in change, in love, in safety.

To the place within us, in which we are

            in relationship with our seas,

            enjoying the abundance of water

            and our emotional power

 

To will, to manifest.

our desire to live

our willingness to express.

 

Remember your first love. Mine was my mother. Mama, siempre ha sido. Y como Esmeralda, uno no se olvida de su brillo. Pero su vida, por nosotros, a puesto a un lado.

Eso es amor. No hay del bueno, y no existe el amor malo. Pero que su poder, y las intenciones con cual lo usamos quede bien claro.

 

She is a woman whose story I carry with me. Her path weaved into mine, and her life became the brightest star in my night. At twenty she had two baby stars looking to her. At her beauty, at her motherhood. At her ability to laugh. At her responsibility to dance and to cry.

A woman whose willingness to love nourished me and taught me lo que es ser una persona completa. To provide yourself with the space to create and live in this life. How love, like paper, can fold. Into valleys, through mountains, into warmth, through the cold.

 

Remember your first love. Mine was my father. Papa, que todo el dia anda trabajando. Para nuestra seguridad, para que podamos disfrutar de esta vida. Para que de mi el mundo conozca algo mas que mi sudor. Mas que mis lagrimas de trabajador, cansado.

I was born the sun of a star always a second too close to being overworked, but his passion for his labor, sus ganas de crear un trabajo perfecto, gives him the space to love his life and his work. And from that, I’ve learned.

 

Remember your first love. Mine was my neighbor, another libra. D’ana, que de niño conoci. Hasta estube en su quince, chambelan de honor y todo fui. Despues de nuestro primer beso, rapidito de mi vida se fue. Tambien Jorge, el pisces que despues de la clase, a mi casa me acompaño. Igual, nuestro tiempo vino y paso. Me e enamorado y seguire. Porque estar enamorado, para mi es crecer. All this love. I thank it for all it has taught me. For I have always felt the apocalypses. And I know how to survive. My body is too loved, too threatened by the forces actively working to destroy our chance of liberation. Eso es amor. No hay del bueno, y no existe el amor malo. Pero que su poder, y las intenciones con cual lo usamos quede bien claro.

11pm @ Club 21

I walk in with my girlfriend, Miel. Looking cute, looking fly. To nobody’s surprise. 

I hadn’t gone to club 21 in a minute because it is too expensive after 10 and I start getting ready at 10, so somethings are just not meant to be.

But somedays, I have extra money.

And some other days, people be pissing me the fuck off.

And so sometimes, it adds up.

I need to go dance. I need to act up. I need to go off.

 

Because apocalypses be brewing. And we know what poisonous wound we feed. We’ve all been hurt and we know the truth about where we direct our energy.

My apocalypses can sometimes center jealousy. Other times pride. And sometimes vanity. All these sins we learn about in la primera communion. No me a dejado pensar en nadamas que la pelea entre el bueno y lo mal.

 

Nunca mi papel, en la conversacion.

Yo no quiero apocalypse. Yo no quiero la traicion. Nadamas conosco familia, y amor de puro corazon.

 

Soy bailarin, desde bebe fui. Antes de caminar, mis caderas se movian.

Entonces antes de todo, me pongo a bailar, a sonreir. 

 

Entro al club y te encuentro.

I see the cutie who hit me up after dance class.

Another bailarin,

Another bailarin,

Esta noche a bailar

Esta noche a sonreir.

 

And that’s how the night went, this cancer spinned me all over the club. Entre musica de banda, entre some cumbias.

I was performing. Trying to impress, clearing my mental space.

That person who pissed me the fuck off? Who were they?

And yes, that person had my love. And yes, unappreciative of.

But tonight, I met someone new. And my apocalypse subdued.[5]  Distracted till the last song played at 4am. Distracted as we danced from night to early day.

Here is a ritual, that works to clear your fate. Grab that cutie, and dance away.

6:30 pm @ a quince in Mexicali

porque no bailan?

me pregunto sobre mi mama y mi papa

 

porque no bailan?

Se aman

Me aseguraba

Se aman

Me hacian pensar

 

Porque no bailan

Supe que no entendia el amor

Fuera de mis pensamientos

Bien cursi, typico de mi edad

 

Porque no bailan?

Yo si quiero bailar

 

Y me gustaria una paraje

Que me quisiera pasiar

 

Vuleta y vuelta

Para que mi future pueda crear

 

Vuelta, vuelta

El tiempo como pasa

 

Vuelta, vuelta,

Nuestro tiempo no para

 

El empiezo fue decicidir amar,

El encuentro fue ejemplo de manifestar.

 

Se conocieron en el ensayo

Y 21 anos despues, se encuentran separados

Y solos en la vida Americana

 

Nuestro sueno era vivir

Era baliar

Pero en este clima

No es facil

En esta vida,

Las relaciones cambian.

No se mueren, pero si duele al cambiar.

8pm @ my place

 

I run into my room. After a long day of school, of work.

And typical of a Friday night, I’m a little tired. I’m a little done.

This time, I come home to something that breaks my heart.

How could it be? I gave you my love, I gave you my trust.

 

I know, I know.

Intense as fuck.

And I know, I know

Nobody owes me shit and while I was hurt 

I create my reality and I very consciously facilitate the process that hurt me the most.

And while I was hurt, I wanted to redirect the energy. Hurt someone else.

 

I felt gross, suffocated by the energy I called love.

Knowing that at this point, something else had creeped up.

My heart might have been betrayed, but that does not mean my love turns corrupt. My energy does not need to go astray.

It hurts to be hurt. It hurts and the apocalypse feels all too real.

I’ve felt lonely and I’ve felt like I didn’t have the space necessary to create.

A new story, one which continues in high hopes, in good fate. 

 

I felt gross, suffocated by the energy I called love.

Because I remembered all the times that I’ve used it like this before.

All the times, I hurt someone in the name of passion, in the name of trust.

And used my pride as a curita to their pain, to ignore.

To feed my lust.

 

So I ran out of my room. And I dealt with the situation.

My fate, sealed. I don’t want to hurt you. That of me, is not real.

I am hurt but all I need is a little time to heal.

Let’s expedite the process.

Dance a little?

 

“Vas a venir?” he texts me.

Oh shit, this cancer wants to dance. And this libra needs a second chance.

Grab my tejana, and to the bota loca I head.

Aver que onda, sin miedo. Sin mal-querer.

 

 

10 am @ some future location

I really did that. I wanted to love and it wasn’t about someone else.

Although, when I did try that. Well, we all saw the mess.

Because it is about me.

And it’s about making love a form of care. An action that provides rest.

 

It’s the future. One in which the present was treasured.

I seized a moment and provided myself pleasure. To be free of shame, of feelings that would way my three-turn cumbia routine down.

Baile, and now I’m back on track. towards my little kingdom.

Where I trust love. And know it’s a force which I can consentfully share.

Know it’s an energy, which we will always have plenty of which to spare.

 

These narratives, and our own mistakes. Should tell us a little about how much hate we really throw around like light. Bouncing and reflecting of our bodies,

But a hard-blow to our spirits. Who feed off of bright light.

 

In this future location, I chilled out while waiting.

In this future location, I made my mistakes, and I looked the apocalypse straight in the eye.

Said “no, not again. This time no part of me will die.”

I will change. And surprise myself. This universe too.

Because to see me give in, would mean I cast myself as a fool.

 

But this magician, knows all his tools.

And so, from this future location.

In which I am forever dancing, by the way.

I ask that you remember the love. The hurt, and the pain. And think about the energy which we can call upon. Which has found us before. And our bodies always cared for.

When in times of needs, has provided us with great restore.

 

Love has to be created. And you have nothing to do in this life but explore.

I share this wisdom, as my parents and love ones have shared with me.

I share this wisdom, in hopes we can continue our families. 

11pm @ tonight

there are nights when I think of why I dance

why I love the turns

the jumps

why I love to hold hands

 

I think of the pain, I think of the vulnerability which is asked of me

To trust you with my life

To trust you with my body

 

There are nights when I remember you specifically

And the way we used to practice cumbias in my room

 

There are nights when I remember you specifically

And how from each other we learned

From each other, our personhood bloomed

 

I taught you to dance

And you taught me something else

 

With an open heart

And your two left feet

With communication and trust

And our eagerness to be

 

We danced when we could

And now our song is over

 

We dance when we could

And on nights like this, I think about it

Over and over

 

This process aids in my survival

As being among you

Increased my love of life

Increased my desire

 

There are nights when I think of why I dance

And these nights have happened

Every so often

Since I could love

Hold your hands

 

We must imagine.

Honor, and validate.

Our knowledge, our existence.

Our ability to relate.

 

 

I imagine a love that creates space.

Space, within space.

Meaning love that is weaved in through time.

Meaning love meant to opportunity, create.

 

 

Otra ves, te pregunto.

bailamos?”

And know if it is time for you to say yes.

Time for you to say no.

 

I know it is time to ask. And so, ahi voy.

Tu ponte a bailar si sientes que te muevo.

Yo se que si tu me prugantas,

Yo te dejo.

Y un futuro, nuevo, entre nosotros creeremos.

 

Lo bonito del futuro,

Es que en el, al verdadero tiempo no conocemos.

es nuestra manera de cambiar nuestra vida.

De salir de los malos momentos.

 

I need to imagine my love in a way that holds my bones in place, in a shape that heals and allows me to create. Love must create space for me to imagine my fate. Through love, through space. My magic allows me to dance. And my path, pave. And in that space, there is more. More space to breath and more nutrients to grow. On the contrary, I’ve seen it suffocate, I’ve seen my loves heaviest hold. Manifested in jealousy, manifested in a lack of control. So go out, and have some fun. But remember.

 

Que eso es amor. No hay del bueno, y no existe el amor malo. Pero que su poder, y las intenciones con cual lo usamos quede bien claro.

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